In search of something more, you find nothing. In search of nothing you find everything …

in search of something more, you find nothing. In search of nothing you find everything …


Leaking a trail of spunk and negativity
Aimlessly trying to find focus and purpose.
Self-sabotage and material endulgence is my poison
Slowly killing me, Numbing the pain so I can finally sleep.
Leaving the house not really prepared for what will happen
Lost by obsession, Lost by action, Lost by blindful wondering.
Lost in time. I am out of time
I am on my death bed never lived a single day of my life.
Ashamed of failing which in turn makes me a failure
Fear of even trying for something real because I am afraid of getting hurt again
Living in the past, avoiding what is happening in the present.
Scared of the future. Scared of even looking to the future.
Not even living, not even trying. Waiting. Hoping. Wishing …
Nothing will happen. Nothing will come.

Superficially living in the scope of what had happened
Waiting for it to change but never doing anything about it
The broken record of being a victim keeps playing
No wonder I cannot move on
I have been conditioned by fear of change
But living is change and to keep changing.
Accepting there is a problem and you need help
Is not a sign of weakness but the strongest thing you can do
Seeking validation from others because I am so afraid of doing the work myself
Filling the void with crap so that I can feel a sense of self worth
Invisible but ever-wanting to be seen
But at the same time never wanting to be seen 
In fear of what might be revealed about who I am 
‘The beast behind the man’
An imposter of my own life
An imposter not living my own story
Somehow bound by the cycle of never quite experiencing one’s own life.
Bound by the prescription that someone else gave you.


Fighting for control the good and the evil
In constant conflict with one another
The dark and the light
Trying to find the eternal balance
In a world getting ready to be awoken again don’t rush back in old ways step into it differently and watch what happens.
I am afraid of who this evil self is inside me.
On these days I feel like this evil self circum me entirely and I will finally loose all that is good.
A sleeping baby
Falling into the arms of a mother
Like a pillow
Just cannot wait to close their eyes
And switch off.


Blinking on
Blinking off
Like switching through the TV channel


Maybe looking for something more is actually not looking anymore and getting rid of everything and restarting again if things are meant to last and be there they will come back
Light as a feather blowing in the wind
But as grounded as a rock
Transforming something to nothing. 
Learning to not take things too seriously. 
Grinding right down the solid to it is finite material form blow and transform. Let go.
So that we are left with what really matters
Caring less is not selfish when doing it right
Why are you doing this    
Who is it for?
Why so serious?                 
Enjoy your life!
Finally smiling at life as we approach 
Let us not wait that long to start living your life.
If I fail so what!
What is your next move?


It is not an end
But rather the beginning 
Of something else.


The sleeping dead
Ever present
But never disturbed
What I wish for a bit of time
With the ones who are left and go
The ones who have lived their lives
To learn before it is too late
What they learnt in their life’s travels.


Learn to slow down and brake a little
Remember the destination is your death
So as I can assume we don’t want to die yet.
Slow down and enjoy everything that life throws at you.
Have you ever just stopped and looked at something fully in the moment and be present and open to every magical detail it reveals
Open and closing
Black and white
But what about the rest of the picture
Stop thinking for a second and see what happens?
So what, that life is meaningless
It doesn’t mean that you have no meaning
It means that the meaning is part of living your life to the best you can
What kind of person am I?
What is my vibration
Am I in alignment
If not how do I become aligned?
Metamorphic – Transformative
Why do you feel out of control as if you are losing your grip of your life?
What is your own idea for success for you?
The overwhelming feeling of living scares me as I get closer to death. 
Have I used my time wisely and fully 
And not taken it for granted?
The last breath –
A ceremony to, in this last moment witness the last breath of a person. To witness the last note the musician will ever play.
Why is it that I cling onto something or someone because of being afraid of rejection and abandonment?
How to stop this behavior?
How to stop reacting in this way?
Giving time and space rather than clinging on never letting them go
Am I doing something I love?
Why not then?
What lies and excuses do you tell yourself?
Where did this come from?
Fear of the past repeating itself
Again and again and again…
What is clouding your vision?


Creating a life, you want to live,
Creating a friendship you want to have,

Creating a positive force means you need to realize what is good for you 
and what isn’t and be brave enough to walk away if necessary.

The kindest thing you can give someone is your time, attention and love.

Whether something happened or not, as human beings you have a responsibility to make sure other people are OK. A simple gesture of good will, a hug, a kind word. Something you can do to make sure that person is not alone.

In time a healed heart can be one’s salvation. In time a healed mind can mean you can keep going. Sometimes you need help and sometimes you need someone to notice you need help, turn up and be there for you.

A true act of kindness is something done without expecting anything in return.

In times of great uncertainty 
love is the only way forward.

Don’t waste energy and time on things that you can’t control, one must focus on the things you can focus on. This is where you will find yourself.

If people treated you like an option,
Leave them like a choice.

The way people treat you, 
Is a statement about who they are as a human being. 
It is not a statement about you.

People will treat you the way that you allow them to treat you. 
If you don’t like it, change the power you allow them to have over you. 

Take risks
Don’t apologize for trying
Apologize for not trying.
We have a duty of care to ourselves to live a truthful and fulfilling life.
If someone finds something you do offensive it is not a reflection of you but a reflection of them.
A great obelisk,
A great obstacle,
An endless staircase,
An impossible task.
An endless waterfall of sand,
Am I out of time? 
I must save what I have left.
I must ascend and reach the top,
I must stop the sand from escaping.
I feel that I am losing control
Control of what I have and control of what I do not have.
What I am holding on to?
What am I afraid of losing?
Or a better question, 
Who I am afraid of losing?
In love with another person,
Or are you attached to another person?
Both seem very similar on the surface but fundamentally different.
Do you love the person for who they are?
Or, do you love the idea of that person?
Love is brightest in the dark.
Don’t let plans 
Get in the way of the journey.

Stop. That person has already left.
They don’t want to engage with you anymore.

Why are you wasting 

your time and energy on people 
who no longer value you?

They have already gone.


I am no longer going to waste my time and energy trying to please other people.
I am no longer going to waste my time and energy trying to be everyone’s friend.
I am no longer going to waste my time and my energy putting others first.
I am no longer going to neglect working on myself at the expense of others.
If people want to be my friend and want to be in my life, they will have to earn my time and energy.
I am tired I have no more to give to people who just take.
I am at rock bottom and need to rebuild.
Come on 2022 
Hineni! I am ready.Your life is as good as your mindset.
Let go of today. 
Prepare for tomorrow.
It doesn’t matter what you did yesterday.
Good or bad.
Today is a new day.
You want to change?
Change it now!

Vulnerability and oversharing is not the same thing be careful of the fine line between the two.
Naked and not ashamed.
What value are you adding to your life?
Are those people adding value?
Man of action – Not reaction.
Stop holding onto should’ve
Stop holding onto what if’s
Stop holding onto past and Stop seeking things that are similar, 
This is not working.
You need to change the input, to change the output.

Don’t shine light onto things that are dark, unless you know what your light is being used for.